Uncommon Wisdom July 30, 2006
Posted by silentEcho in Humor, IIT Kanpur.trackback
The start of another academic year. This is the time when the freshmen and women (if any) enter the colleges. In order to ‘help’ the newcomers at IIT Kanpur I just compiled answers to some of the most common questions asked here. The first five appeared in Volume 1 Number 1 of Meander about five years ago in the Agony Aunt column. The rest have been answered by yours truly. Hope you will enjoy reading them. Meanwhile please don’t miss the disclaimer first.
DISCLAIMER
The answers here are supposed to be humoristic though to many of the sensible readers they might be irritating or even sick. I think nobody would be dumb enough to believe them. Just read them, laugh on them or me and forget.
I am not able to adjust to double rooms. What do I do?
– Cramped
One possibility is that you get out of this place. You will be doing the other person a great favor. Or I know a couple of guys in Hall I who have got so used to living ‘doubly’ that they are unable to sleep without a partner. Or you can go to any other hostel in India and see their living conditions and then come back.
Why do we have such dirty halls? Why not a five star hostel like the girls have? Am I not worth it?
– M.A Le
No, you aren’t. The dirtiness is purely due to the length of the corridor one has to go through just to get to the loo. Cope with that or just get going with a girl and your problems will be done with.
Why do I have to do PE 101? It is so irregular and so badly organized that it is not going to be of any use in the future?
-La Z. Butt
So that you guys tone your muscles to the standards of the people like Vishram Yadav. As it is, most of you do enough physical exercise by walking from your room to the mess, cycling to the lecture hall and lifting your shanks on to the bed while going to sleep. Plus you need your perspirations and/or aspirations ‘grass-high-enough-to-hide-a-leopard.’
What exactly is Galaxy? I have been hearing a lot about it?
-All Fadd Dalli
So have we. To our best knowledge it’s an initially ‘sky high’ to finally ‘down-to-earth’ experience. In the days of yore it used to be a weeklong drive for loosing beds, tables, cupboard, towels, bed sheets, mugs and buckets. Or may be it’s something way out there which is a collection of solar system like objects. We will ask the Astronomy Club and may be they will be of some help.
Which cell should I join in Antaragni to get the maximum out of the things?
– Cul Freak
Try Duracell. It’s supposed to last 8 times longer. I haven’t tried it myself because of the cost but may be you can get the maximum bholtage from it. If you want to join the sick bay, join the Hospitality Cell. If you want to flick with that chick, you can do the trick by clicking with the slick. Or you can gape at the girls.
Is there any place here where the food is good?
– B. H. Ookha
Yeah, your friendly neighborhood mess. Nothing’s better than that. The canteens are naturally good enough only for filling water. The CR has only paneer. Your best option might be to buy a refrigerator, bring in food from home to last a semester and munch on.
I am having problems understanding MTH 101. What do I do?
– P. Brain
The instructor says the same thing. Snore through the lecture and you won’t feel the pain. Better still, drop the course and do it in the summers. Or just bug the class topper, learn from him, kill him on the eve of exams and get going.
On a serious note, no course is difficult to understand if you attend the lectures and tutorial regularly and give it ample time after the classes. MTH 101 is no different.
How do I express the creative urge in me?
– P. Urge
LAN games are a sure option or may be you should participate in those enlightening bulla sessions. Meanwhile if you get time then just join the Gymkhana magazine.
The music club people won’t take me. What do I do?
– D.U.M. Bass
Oh you mean those drum beater, string puller and croaky neck scream-it-alls from the SAC second floor? They take you in only if you can bray buddy. Your best option is the wing bathroom. Hall quad isn’t bad either unless your friendly neighborhood uses you for the sandbag.
How do I patao a bandi?
-F. Rustu
Would I be wasting my time answering you if I knew how? Or maybe you could spend a few bucks and invite her to the completely ‘sane’ and ‘civilized’ Hall celebrations. You want a miss and maybe you will.
I hate my room mate. He is so sloppy. What do I do?
– N.A Raaz
The best thing would be to feed him with mess food. It is known to have unknown medication properties. Or send him to one of the institute lectures. Who knows? You might just be lucky!!
How can I be a ten pointer?
-M. A. Goo
To the isoquant P add the Hamiltonian in two dimensions to obtain the neurotic Langrangian raised to the power e and voila!! The cocktail is ready. Ohh didja say somethin about a ten? I din hear nuffink though.
So now you see the wisdom amassed by staying at the place. I hope it will help the new ones grow as stupid as I am.
Rock on,
wiseMoron
the life divine 
kyon naye bachchon ko abhi se psyche kar rahe ho miyaan? abhi udne do kuch din ki jee nikaali hai and all that…..let them walk themselves on d path of self discovery
vaise tumne bhi yEhi questions puche thee kya? ;)….
hehe..u sick moron
OK dude aap to chaapu ho hi. Doesn’t mean u’ll udaao mazaak of hapless ickle firsties. You know that MTH waala question hurt me deeply? Oh! the agony and injustice of it all. Bachchon if u r reading this don’t be afraid, and for some good advice contact E-305, Hall 5. I’ll tell you how EXACTLY to maaro an A in MTH. OK chalo theek Kothari uncle ne phir ultimate khol diya and is (suspectedly) now trying to extend his fan club further into Y6. Lage raho dude. We can do more with Antaragni cell waala type questions. 😛
Johnny Tent
@pipe
Haan dost I asked the same questions. And I pondered over them myself and came up with the best possible answers. Lolz
@Chaachi
I can’t agree more. I mean how is it that you get everything so correct about me 😀
@John
Thanks for the complement. By the way you gave your room number wrong. Lemme correct you. It’s D 305. Meanwhile let’s pickle the ickle firsties 😀
Hi Kothari Sahab,
First of all, I should thank you for giving your time for the cause of enlightening the freshers.
Your article started at a good note. But, I guess it turned more sarcastic as if were meant more for us rather than for them. First few answers were good, but later when you started bring their mom in between or the MTH101 answer, for that matter, was not at all appropriate. Or, should I say, revolting. Some of the answers are really silly. Or maybe I am too dumb to comprehend. E.g. “clicking with the slick”, “Hamiltonian in two dimensions to obtain the neurotic Langrangian”. And I never found or heard anyone finding cello tape, stapler pins and polythene in the Mess food. And the way of getting rid of one’s roomy made me really sick. One should not refer to those unfortunate events in such a casual way.
Hope you don’t take my comments as personal and act accordingly.
And, I would like to suggest that it would look more interesting if you write them in more simpler language.
Thanks.
@Regular reader
Namaskar. Prabhu none of the anwers are meant to be serious and none of them give anything worth following. Ofcourse this is a sick idea for a joke. As far as finding stapler pins, cellotape and polythene is concerned, two years of ‘jhelo’ Hall 2 mess tells me that this certainly is true. I didn’t write the ‘clicking with a slick’ thing. I suggest you contact Mr. Shashank Teotia for it. He was the English editor of Volume 1 Number 1 of editor from which the first five have been taken. However I respect thy opinion and if you read them now, they have been retouched. Thank you very much for reading. More’s coming in a few days.
silly rhymes,
wiseMoron
Oh maan!!!
@Regular Reader
Unlike ‘Kothari sahab’ I DO NOT respect your opinion and shall take the pleasure of calling you a hopeless pea brain. If people can’t learn to take jokes lightly, then they ought to be hung by the hair of their nose.
And yes, maybe you really are too dumb to comprehend.
@Kothari Sahab
1. I know you are grateful for what I’ve written above.
2. Thanks for eminding me what my room no. is.
Cheers
‘Tenthouse’ 😛