Uncommon Wisdom July 30, 2006Posted by silentEcho in Humor, IIT Kanpur.
The start of another academic year. This is the time when the freshmen and women (if any) enter the colleges. In order to ‘help’ the newcomers at IIT Kanpur I just compiled answers to some of the most common questions asked here. The first five appeared in Volume 1 Number 1 of Meander about five years ago in the Agony Aunt column. The rest have been answered by yours truly. Hope you will enjoy reading them. Meanwhile please don’t miss the disclaimer first.
The answers here are supposed to be humoristic though to many of the sensible readers they might be irritating or even sick. I think nobody would be dumb enough to believe them. Just read them, laugh on them or me and forget.
I am not able to adjust to double rooms. What do I do?
One possibility is that you get out of this place. You will be doing the other person a great favor. Or I know a couple of guys in Hall I who have got so used to living ‘doubly’ that they are unable to sleep without a partner. Or you can go to any other hostel in India and see their living conditions and then come back.
Why do we have such dirty halls? Why not a five star hostel like the girls have? Am I not worth it?
– M.A Le
No, you aren’t. The dirtiness is purely due to the length of the corridor one has to go through just to get to the loo. Cope with that or just get going with a girl and your problems will be done with.
Why do I have to do PE 101? It is so irregular and so badly organized that it is not going to be of any use in the future?
-La Z. Butt
So that you guys tone your muscles to the standards of the people like Vishram Yadav. As it is, most of you do enough physical exercise by walking from your room to the mess, cycling to the lecture hall and lifting your shanks on to the bed while going to sleep. Plus you need your perspirations and/or aspirations ‘grass-high-enough-to-hide-a-leopard.’
What exactly is Galaxy? I have been hearing a lot about it?
-All Fadd Dalli
So have we. To our best knowledge it’s an initially ‘sky high’ to finally ‘down-to-earth’ experience. In the days of yore it used to be a weeklong drive for loosing beds, tables, cupboard, towels, bed sheets, mugs and buckets. Or may be it’s something way out there which is a collection of solar system like objects. We will ask the Astronomy Club and may be they will be of some help.
Which cell should I join in Antaragni to get the maximum out of the things?
– Cul Freak
Try Duracell. It’s supposed to last 8 times longer. I haven’t tried it myself because of the cost but may be you can get the maximum bholtage from it. If you want to join the sick bay, join the Hospitality Cell. If you want to flick with that chick, you can do the trick by clicking with the slick. Or you can gape at the girls.
Is there any place here where the food is good?
– B. H. Ookha
Yeah, your friendly neighborhood mess. Nothing’s better than that. The canteens are naturally good enough only for filling water. The CR has only paneer. Your best option might be to buy a refrigerator, bring in food from home to last a semester and munch on.
I am having problems understanding MTH 101. What do I do?
– P. Brain
The instructor says the same thing. Snore through the lecture and you won’t feel the pain. Better still, drop the course and do it in the summers. Or just bug the class topper, learn from him, kill him on the eve of exams and get going.
On a serious note, no course is difficult to understand if you attend the lectures and tutorial regularly and give it ample time after the classes. MTH 101 is no different.
How do I express the creative urge in me?
– P. Urge
LAN games are a sure option or may be you should participate in those enlightening bulla sessions. Meanwhile if you get time then just join the Gymkhana magazine.
The music club people won’t take me. What do I do?
– D.U.M. Bass
Oh you mean those drum beater, string puller and croaky neck scream-it-alls from the SAC second floor? They take you in only if you can bray buddy. Your best option is the wing bathroom. Hall quad isn’t bad either unless your friendly neighborhood uses you for the sandbag.
How do I patao a bandi?
Would I be wasting my time answering you if I knew how? Or maybe you could spend a few bucks and invite her to the completely ‘sane’ and ‘civilized’ Hall celebrations. You want a miss and maybe you will.
I hate my room mate. He is so sloppy. What do I do?
– N.A Raaz
The best thing would be to feed him with mess food. It is known to have unknown medication properties. Or send him to one of the institute lectures. Who knows? You might just be lucky!!
How can I be a ten pointer?
-M. A. Goo
To the isoquant P add the Hamiltonian in two dimensions to obtain the neurotic Langrangian raised to the power e and voila!! The cocktail is ready. Ohh didja say somethin about a ten? I din hear nuffink though.
So now you see the wisdom amassed by staying at the place. I hope it will help the new ones grow as stupid as I am.